“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living” Marcus Tullius Cicero
For me, there is nothing worse in life than losing someone you love and have loved whether for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Their legacy remains in our hearts, their memories cherished to the ends of time. One thing we all share in this lifetime is that life is not guaranteed to anyone. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. If we knew the precise time a loved one would be taken from us, perhaps there are things we would do differently, words we would say, feelings we would express and actions we would do differently. Sadly we don’t, and this is why it is always vital to live each moment for the moment, to always be in a place of love, acceptance and forgiveness with each person you value because you just never know when your last moment with them will be, and make sure that when that moment comes, you carry no regrets for your actions, words and behaviours. Take the time to show people how much they mean to you, and show them how much you care because life is too short to do anything but radiate love towards everyone you hold dear to your heart.
For me personally, I have had to say goodbye to many people I have lost to the other side and the reality is that dealing with loss never gets any easier. Some have left us unexpectedly where we haven’t had any time to prepare, and others, we have known they won’t be with us for much longer, and so have had a bit more time to prepare ourselves for when their time does come to leave our planet. Either way, the loss of a loved one whether sudden or expected is still a life taken from us all too soon who we will miss dearly.
I have come to recognise that there are various stages to dealing with loss as we process the feelings, emotions, questions we keep asking ourselves and reliving the moments time and time again of the memories shared and created together. I have also learnt that our loved ones can and do communicate with us from the other side in various ways, sometimes carrying messages for us, and other times to let us know that they are okay and still with us in the spirit form as our souls are eternal. (We come to earth as a spirit reincarnating into a physical body, and when we depart our physical body which was the home to our spirit is left behind, and our soul / spirit goes back to the higher dimensions for a rest, and to prepare for the next mission on planet earth.)
The five stages of grief as I know it are:
♥ Denial and Isolation; Coming to terms with someone leaving your life is a challenge, and difficult to grasp. You can’t believe they have left you, and that you won’t be seeing them again this lifetime, not hearing their voice, being able to give them a hug, popping around for tea or dinner, meeting and socialising with them over celebrations and birthdays, etc. Life seems hopeless and unfair as you try to get through each passing day. The reality they have left you is too much to bear and you then go through a period of isolation where you need your own personal space to grieve, cry, process your thoughts and emotions, just be alone as you honour their life in a way that is meaningful to you.
♥ Anger and What if Stages; You become angry with life, with the universe, with people around you because this person was taken from you all too soon, and it shouldn’t have happened. Allow yourself to feel this anger and express it in a safe environment, the more you feel and express your anger, the more this anger dissipates, and so your healing process can truly begin. You begin to question your own actions and behaviours, what if I had done this, or that, what if I had been there more, or should have etc. You become angry as you process your own actions and behaviours towards this person and the situations that surrounded them leaving you. Know that it is okay to express yourself and how you feel, give yourself permission to let go and release any pent up emotions that need to be released, allow yourself forgiveness and give thanks for the times you were able to share together knowing they chose you to be a part of their life because they recognise in you a love that is unconditional.
♥ Depression; Our reality of missing our loved ones becomes too much to handle while we struggle to come to terms that we will never see them again. This forces us to become introvert and unsure how to express what we are feeling. Not wanting to burden others with what we are going through, we become separated from others and closed off, suppressing how we feel and going into a downward spiral of sadness, loss and grief. We become withdrawn from life as we feel empty and alone, wondering how we are able to move forward and cope and sometimes wishing it was us that was taken instead. The deep sense of sadness which knows no limits is a natural part of coming to terms, and as you acknowledge the sadness you feel, and work through the feelings, you gradually open the door for more healing to take place.
♥ Acceptance; Coming to terms that your loved one is not actually coming back and accepting the reality of the loss of your loved ones. Being able to move forward one day at a time in a new reality that doesn’t involve them and accepting that life has changed, and you have changed. Some days are easier to deal with than others, and you do the best that you can with each passing day because you have learnt to live without them but it doesn’t make life any easier for you, it is just your coping mechanisms that get you through each moment because that’s all you are able to prepare for…each moment. We can never replace the ones we have lost, but it is important to continue to build long lasting relationships and friendships that are meaningful as this will help fill the void you are experiencing and inject a new form of happiness and fulfilment into your life. Give you that sense of belonging.
♥ Transformations; Very often when you lose someone you love dearly, during your process of coming to terms of the loss of your loved one, you begin to have a new appreciation for life and to really value life with a new awareness and consciousness. To not take it for granted, and you start to live life in a new way, a different way that enables you to grow and transform as you let go of the old you, and the rebirth of a renewed you takes place, stronger in yourself, stronger in life and stronger in love for you recognise that life is a gift to be lived and cherished, and to not take any of what you have for granted because as quickly as you have it, it can be taken away from you. A dance of celebration begins to unfold in your life, a celebration for those you have lost as you celebrate their memory and their life, and a celebration for what is to come in the future as you celebrate the gift of life every day, because every day you get to live a new day is indeed a gift.
Over the passages of time, our loved ones will try to establish ways to communicate with us to let us know they have arrived safely to the other side. If you are open to signs, you may recognise some of the following:
∞They may visit you in your dreams shortly after they have left you.
∞ They may leave little white feathers which have been strategically placed, or randomly placed.
∞ They love technology and may create havoc with yours incl your TV switching on or off by itself, your mobile phone randomly calling someone, flickering lights or regular blowing of a particular light bulb.
∞ You may find a penny and when you look at the year on the back could remind you of them for a specific reason.
∞ Very often there will be a scent that comes through the air of perfume, deodorant or floral or something else completely different that you will resonate with.
∞ You may notice a very slight drop in temperature in the room you are in, so mild that you almost feel you imagined it.
∞ If you have cats, they very often see what we can’t see, and they may become fixated on a particular spot in the room, and no matter how you try to distract them, their vision and gaze remains fixated on a particular place in the room.
Each of these mentioned above are gentle ways in which loved ones from the higher dimensions will reach out to you to let you know they are thinking of you, and still by your side. There are of course a number of other ways so be open to any and all possibilities. Sometimes there will be messages for you to decode in your dreams from them or via a song you hear on the radio. When this happens, just ask them to let you know what the message is.
Counselling and healing are very effective ways to help you cope with the loss of a loved one, and to allow you to come to terms with your life as you know it now. It is a very gentle and sacred process unique to each of us . Counselling and healing allows you to express yourself freely, helps you to work through each thought you are thinking, and gradually takes the weight off of your shoulders as each day that passes is a day for you to heal, to grow and to be nurtured. As you heal the many layers of grief, depression, sadness and loss, you allow more space in your life for new things to enter that will give you hope, trust, acceptance and freedom. If you need to be in a safe space to help you work through life, loss and bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be then please do drop me a line firstname.lastname@example.org.
Liana Alexander Raye
Inspirational Centre of Living Hope